Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
