i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
