Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
