some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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