i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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