Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
