So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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