I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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