Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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