I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
