if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
