She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
