So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
