You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
