I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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