i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
