umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
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The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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