Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
