you guys were way drunker than both of me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
