I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
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