My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just puked most of my soul out..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
