The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
