too bad you live with your parents still
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
