I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
