I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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