I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I lost the right to judge tonight
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
