You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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