I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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