He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
