Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
