I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
