I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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