I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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