I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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