MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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