Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
