there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i already hear my dad disowning me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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