get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
