He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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