Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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