now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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