At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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