Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
