I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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