even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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