Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
