Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
