respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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