that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
