His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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