You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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