I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
