My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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