Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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