need another drink. this is the easiest way
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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