My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
