I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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