i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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