you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
