Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
