you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
