Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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