I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
