I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
