So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Two words: nipple clamps
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