Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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