dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
