You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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