I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
