I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
